Memories are still uppermost in my mind as I journey through the grief of a great loss – Joe’s death on May 6, 2020. I am still adjusting and taking it one day at a time. My family surrounds me and takes care of my needs when I feel overwhelmed.
I always liked hot chocolate but never made it much at home. I’d offer it to the kids on occasion as a treat. When Joe’s health started failing at the end of 2019 and into 2020. I started occasionally making myself a cup of hot chocolate in the evening. I can’t tell you why exactly, but hot chocolate has a calming effect on me. Perhaps it’s the mix of warm milk and chocolate.
I have friends: Benita, Flo, Elaine, Joyce, Janet, and some others who are also widows. I love playing bridge with some of them. I usually play on Wednesdays and Fridays. Sometimes games are cancelled because one of us has a health issue or doesn’t have transportation. That’s always a little disappointing.
I have takeout dinners with Mike and Mary Pat twice a week and Mike stops in for a few minutes every morning. I see a few clients and by “see”, I mean via Facetime. The pandemic has made in-person visits too risky. I FaceTime with Ella every day. Bill calls regularly. I sometimes have long discussions with family members about next moves. I look forward to these discussions because they give me insights and help me to move forward.
In between social visits, bridge games, and phone calls, I fill my time with solo activities. Some days are very quiet. I read the LA Times every morning and watch the morning news on TV. I like to stay informed about local and global events. I put water in the fountain every morning. I wrestle with keeping financial records and paying bills (on time). I am an avid reader and love romances and mysteries. Every now and then I drive up to the Barnes and Noble bookstore on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City to stock up on the latest from my favorite authors.
I do the LA Times crossword every day, sometimes while sitting outside on the patio enjoying the chirping of birds and shooing the squirrels away from the persimmon tree. Monday and Tuesday puzzles are fun because they are easy. Wednesday isn’t too bad. Sometimes I sluff off on Thursday and Friday. Sunday is my favorite puzzle. It often takes me several days to finish. I think I associate the Sunday puzzle with Sunday being a day of rest.
The empty nest feels emptier at night when the world outside gets quiet. I have my nightly routine. After dinner, after I’ve watched the news and Jeopardy and whatever other show tickles my fancy, I down my pills with a glass of water and begin the house security check. I turn off lights, make sure doors are locked and arm the alarm system. I often stand at the windows in the great room for a while, peering into the darkness of the garden, looking for the stray cat that spends the night curled on the patio chair cushion and the possum that plops down at the top tier of the fountain. Sometimes I see a rat scurrying by. It’s my wild kingdom. And then my treat. I fix myself a mug of hot chocolate and off to bed I go. Love and Hot Chocolate!