In the beginning, living in California away from the environment of our childhood homes helped in that we could start over, in essence, breathe the same air, live in the same house, and begin to build a new life together.
As the family and business grew, Joe and I always tried to work together as a team. There were struggles as we figured out how to parent together and how to remain united. Of course, we had quarrels as happens in all relationships. Quarrels can be hurtful, and we tried to resolve these spats quickly but sometimes we just went on with life and the quarrel remained a bit of unfinished business.
Abiding love is one that hangs in through thick and thin. Mostly thick but sometimes our marriage was on the thin side. We had disagreements that were deeper and more emotional than simple quarrels. Joe and I would each be so into our own feelings that we would forget to listen to each other. Normally it was resolved quickly, but other times, it would fester through the night. Joe tended to sleep through his night, but I wasn’t so lucky, so my train of thought would continue for hours. Result: Usually, one of us would apologize and the other also apologized so we were even! It ended with a tie.
We had different values, ideas and ideals, and personalities. We worked things out as we went. But arguments that grew out of differences in values and ideals took longer to resolve, if ever. Values are deeply and emotionally held. Sometimes, we simply couldn’t change who we were and had to understand and accept the differences between us. We grew to respect and honor each other’s fundamental self, creating a deep and abiding love for each other.
One big difference between us was our approach to finances. I thought that money wasn’t everything and why work so hard to accumulate it? I thought we didn’t have a use for that much money. Joe disagreed because he had the goal of making “enough” so we could get through the older years in comfort. We were both affected by the economy growing up, but I guess it affected Joe more than it did me. So, we had lots of DISCUSSIONS!
Of course, I benefited greatly over the years from having money – being able to shop for whatever clothes, jewelry, or other items I wanted. Being able to remodel the house, buy upscale furniture, take many world trips, buy campers and a boat, and so on. I reaped the rewards of having the money.
Now that Joe is gone and I am in the position of watching the pennies, I’m feeling a bit differently. I understand a little more about the responsibility for our financial comfort that he took on. And I am grateful that I can enjoy living comfortably into my 100’s.